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Frequently Asked Questions

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If my parents signed a secret settlement, or non disclosure agreement can I still come forward?

If your parents signed a secret settlement or a gag order or if you signed a secret settlement or a gag order you should still talk to an attorney. Your parents had no right to sign away your rights as a victim of abuse. And any institution has no right to sign you into secrecy. Always talk to an attorney to

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If I have evidence, but wasn’t abused myself, what should I do?

If you have evidence of abuse or you know of abuse that’s happened, or you suspect that abuse is happening, please contact law enforcement and hand over the evidence. Tell them the details that you know. Not only will this help them be on guard about the person that you’re giving evidence, but also it might help other cases that

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It’s been so long since I was abused, does it still matter?

Absolutely. It is never too late to get help with child sexual abuse. Because if you don’t, there’s a great possibility that you can act out in so many harmful ways to yourself and others. In my case, I acted out a self-destructive behavior and I acted out angrily. Fortunately, I had a job that paid me to create mayhem

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If I have evidence of a child being abused. What do I do with it?

First thing you should do is call child protective services and alert the police. Reporting to law enforcement is absolutely fundamental. You should not hesitate to share your concerns or suspicions

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What if I can’t afford a lawyer?

it’s not going to cost you anything totalk to a civil attorney and these cases are usually handled on a contingency basis so rather than paying the attorney an hourly fee for his or her time they’ll take a portion of whatever’s recovered in the case they will also pay all of the litigation expenses expert fees filing fees deposition

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If I don’t want everyone to find out about what happened to me, can I still come forward?

The media and the press cannot let out your name on public documents especially if you’re under eighteen.

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If I decide to come forward what information will I need?

Many survivors are scared to come forward during a civil window period because they think they need an inordinate amount of proof but really survivors just need their truth and their story. You know what happened so that’s when you need to talk to a good civil attorney and tell them what you know. You know who abused you you

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The person who abused me is still a powerful person in the organization. I’m scared. Will my past be used against me?

I totally understand someone being scared about coming forward because their abusers are still powerful in that institution. It is the same situation for me. Your past doesn’t have to be used against you. Proceed with the help of support from your family, local resources, and a good attorney that can help you navigate these waters.

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What is the first step I need to take to come forward about sexual abuse?

The first thing you need to know is when it happened, generally, and where. We don’t need a date but it could be as little as “I was at Saint Mark’s School in the third grade.” It’s also really helpful to know who was the perpetrator. It doesn’t mean you need their full legal name but if you can identify

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This experience may bring out old traumas. What counseling services are available to me?

There’s a lot, and if you call the National Sexual Assault Hotline they can put you in touch with resources in your community. Not all of them are fee based; some of them are free. Depending on when your abuse happened you might also be entitled to crime victim compensation from the state which can reimburse you for some of

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The person who abused me is still a powerful person in the organization. I’m scared. Will my past be used against me?

I wish I could tell you that it’s easy to come forward against somebody powerful, I wish I could tell you that the case would go forward easily. I wish I could tell you that none of your past will be used against you but unfortunately I cannot. I faced backlash myself when I came forward about my abuser and

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What’s the difference between a civil and criminal case? Which should I file?

For most survivors of abuse it’s a difficult distinction to make and you’re not an attorney so it’s not really up to you to understand the difference and right now if there’s a civil window open in your state I highly suggest you talk to a good civil attorney to help you understand what your rights are and a good

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What should I do if my Rabbi says I shouldn’t report my abuse?

A lot of rabbis may try to tell you that you’re not allowed to report child sexual abuse to the authorities or that you have to go through a based in. They’re absolutely wrong. Child sexual abuse can cause suicidal ideation, depression, self-harm, eating disorders as well as a host of other life-threatening conditions. There is no question that the

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What resources have helped you heal?

What has helped me heal is the strength of the other survivors who speaks out in self-help groups. If it wasn’t for that, I would probably be still suffering in silence. I am so glad that there were other survivors out there who spoke up and have become a big part of my support system. Now, I even go around

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What’s the difference between a civil and criminal case? Which one should I file?

Well if you can, file both. A criminal case is the state or the people versus the defendant. Usually, it is a crime against society and if you are guilty, you have to pay your debt to society and that means the perpetrator goes to jail. The civil case, rather than looking it as a crime against the state, we

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When do I have to decide to file a civil case?

Deciding whether or not to file a civil case is certainly a big choice to make. Luckily, you have time. The window is open from August 2019 – 2020. However, it takes time to prepare a civil case. So you’re going to start looking for an attorney and gathering documents for this attorney to help you with the process.

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Does the new law include all sexual abuse of children, or only certain types of cases?

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If an abuser is in my family or is a family friend, what resources exist for me to seek help or to talk to my family?

It can be difficult to talk to your family about child sexual abuse you’ve experienced in general. It’s even more complicated when the abuser is a family member or family friend. Your family members might have sympathies toward them that impede them from being sympathetic toward the abuse that you suffered. There are groups out there that can help you

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Does what happened to me count as abuse?

I didn’t realize until I was 26 years old that being molested at fifteen was in fact child sexual abuse. You might be asking yourself does what happened to me count? My advice is talk to a professional. In this case, seek out an attorney that can help you navigate the law and see how to proceed. Either way, don’t

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How do I find a lawyer?

I would recommend reaching out to the National Crime Victims Bar Association. They have a certified attorney referral service and are certified by the American Bar Association. And all they do is civil claims. You can tell them what happened to you and where, and they can help you figure out what kind of lawyer you need and where, and

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How does my coming forward make a difference?

Everytime a survivor comes forward and shares their story of sexual abuse it makes a difference. You’re making a difference. We’re building a network and a community of brothers and sisters of survivors who understand each other. We’re making a systemic difference and change. I came forward and thought I was alone but shortly thereafter others came forward and we’re

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How do I know if my lawyer is any good?

Not all lawyers are the same. Just like not all doctors are the same kind of doctor. If you have a brain tumor you don’t want to go see a dentist. If you have an abscess tooth, you don’t want to go see a podiatrist So first, it’s important to make sure that you find an attorney who handles child

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How does a sexual abuse survivor know that what happened to them is sexual abuse?

Any sexual conduct with a minor counts as childhood sexual abuse Because children lack the legal capacity to consent. We hold adults accountable and expect adults to know that you can’t have sexual contact with children and that’s why any type of sexual contact with a minor is going to count as childhood sexual abuse.

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If I don’t want everyone to find out about what happened to me, can I still come forward?

You can come forward as a Jane or John Doe. Your name doesn’t have to be on the front page of the newspaper. You don’t have to tell everyone at Thanksgiving dinner. This is a personal choice for you and attorneys can help you navigate this by having you as anonymous. So even if you don’t want it to be

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How does sharing my story help others?

By coming forward and sharing my story and working with groups like safe shores here in Washington DC, and me being open and honest. Sharing how I was being abused was so harmful to my health and how important it is to share. I realize that the kid never did anything wrong and it’s never been my fault. One thing

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